Prepared By Elizabeth Rocha
“Emotionally intelligent couples are intimately familiar with each other’s world… these couples have made plenty of cognitive room for their marriage. They remember the major events in each other’s history, and they keep updating their information as the facts and feelings of their spouse’s world change,” by John Gottmann a marriage expert.
I am deeply moved by this quotation and its measure of hope, sincerity and truth. It sings of the challenge of most couples that I treat in relationship therapy. Creating a quiet space to share meaningful conversations is often lost in our busy worlds and can cause marital distress, pain and disconnection for many couples I see.
“In marriage therapy I often hear that couples look forward to their next counselling session because it gives them a chance to sit across each other, to speak and to listen, uninterrupted by children and daily life pressures. “
John Gottmann is a pillar in modern couple therapy research who has demonstrated strong scientific findings over the last forty years to support the numerous books he has written on ‘What makes marriages work.’ Similarly, this is where the skills of a clinician with a Master’s degree in relationship and family therapy are necessary. A relationship expert can assist a couple to learn the cues to bring calm to emotional outbursts because ultimately good friends don’t enjoy yelling or dismissing one another.
Couples Keep on Updating Information
Gottman’s reference to “couples keeping on updating their information,” suggests that across the family life stages and in stressful times couples need to work through crises such as sickness, unemployment, death, new birth etc. Over time we change and our partner’s need to recognise this growth and embrace these differences. Personal and couple growth is part of the one journey.
If you are interested in relationship counselling please contact Glen Eira Counselling clinic to discuss your situation and to make an appointment with a couple or family therapist.